Now that I made it (almost) into college, I start to get that constant fear of ending up alone. You know, like maybe 3 in 5 people knew the person they married in college but what if that doesn't happen to me? In 19 years I never knew anyone who actually felt that way for me, that could easily say ''It's you I want to spend the rest of my life with" or could even say an "I love you" that was really meant it. What if that never exactly changes and I end up like, probably, lots of people there? Alone, with a job that is the only thing that fulfills me and having shitload of friends that are perfectly married or aren't even married but have found 'the one'. Not even talking about that kind of love, what if everyone I know and love ends up finding better people and I get to be the one that didn't evolve with them? What if they finally understand they can do so much better and I'm left behind, with no one, perfectly alone. That's not the life I want for me but what if it is what happens? Meredith Grey once said that there was a reason why she would be happy alone. But it wasn't because she would actually be happy alone. It was because she thought that if she loved someone and then that love died, she wouldn't be able to cope with the pain. There are indeed some people I endlessly love, with all my heart, with all my soul... And, right now, I'm just scared to be the one who's going to be watch them walking away. "I will never leave you", people say. But people always leave.

"Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever."